How Do I Love Thee, Backsplash?

(With apologies to Elizabeth Barrett-Browning)

Oh, Backsplash, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways!

I love thy depth, breadth, and porcelain height

That lets me keep food stains out of sight

With a quick wipe from a moistened dishcloth.

I love the clean look you give to every day’s

Kitchen moments, by sun or candlelight.

I love thee freely, since I bought thee.

I love thee purely, since I have only thee.

I love thee with the passion I felt before

For my favorite blue jeans or my childhood toys; Like Paddington and Pooh Bear.

None of which was clean but you get what I’m saying.

I love thee with the sweet love I lost

After I learned the truth about Santa.

I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears of all my life. 

Thank you for making everything better.  Will you be my wife?