Saturday, June 15, 2013

Shopping Together

"It's the weekend!" I said digging into my breakfast omelet at the restaurant table.
Mr. Wonderful smiled.
"A mini vacation. We can see our friends, the beach, the moon!"
He smiled.
"We can do anything today!"
"Let's go to the home improvement store."

My heart sank. Here we were enjoying our first sunshiny day without home improvement and he wanted to drop this for hardware? What idiot ever named him Mr. Wonderful? Oh yeah, right. 

Since we bought The House, going to The Home Depot, Lowe's and any other home improvement store west of the Timbucktu had become our Saturday ritual, our Sunday ritual and a Hump day must do thingy. Today I would have preferred doing anything else like walking on glass, eating glass or poking my eyes out with glassy glass needles. After all we'd just finished redoing the front garden and already Mr. Wonderful wanted to start something new. What dingbat named him Mr. Wonderful?! Oh yeah, right.

"New" was not entirely true. Actually we were finishing up some interior painting we'd started before Christmas and Mr. Wonderful wanted to finish it now. 

"What's the rush?" 
"It's been six months," he said getting behind the steering wheel. 
"So?" I said sliding in next to him. "Who's counting?" 
"I am."

What a dilemma. Should I choose my marriage or my sanity?  

I made a proposal. I'd go to the hardware store (again) with Mr. Wonderful as long as we could: 1) Go to a different store; 2) Swim in the pool and; 3) Get smoothies. With a raised eyebrow and a bucketful of apprehension he stared at me for a full minute. What bozo named him Mr. Wonderful?! Oh yeah, right.

Finally he agreed. We ordered Jamba Juice smoothies--I got mine with extra boosts of vitamin C, patience and endurance. Then we strolled the aisles of a home improvement store we'd never been to. It was like being on vacation! They had paint but it was on the left hand side of the store not the right--Amazing! They had patio furniture but it was inside not outside--So cutting edge! And like every other store on the planet, they had concrete floors but theirs were polished to the color of fine mahogany--What a great idea!

He pushed the cart and I jumped on the front for some city surfing. We busted up laughing. Then I pushed him and he surfed. We laughed even more. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, we saw a friend of ours.
"What are you doing here?" I said giving Bob a hug.
"Getting supplies. Hey! Where'd you get the smoothies?" I let him try mine. "Great combination." The three of us chatted and laughed for an hour and not once did I think where we were. We hugged Bob goodbye and paid for everything at the checkout.

As the sun climbed overhead we painted; Mr. Wonderful on the ladder and I on my knees. For several hours I was bent into positions the human body was not meant to do. Ever. When we finished I spent another hour washing paint from the brushes and cleaning up. 
"How you feeling?" he asked.
"What about that swim in the pool?"

He'd remembered our deal. What Einstein named him Mr. Wonderful? Oh yeah, right!


  1. This sounds sooo familiar...just yesterday I decided that I'm NOT going back to Lowe/Home Depot for the next 6 months!
    A month of Blog...

    1. Hilarious! I know, eventually even the die-hards reach a point when you say: ENOUGH! Thanks for reading!