The HGTV Application

“I finished the HGTV application,” I said clicking through the photos on my computer.

“I didn’t know they were hiring,” Mr. Wonderful said chomping on a carrot stick.

“I don’t want to work for them.”

“Oh?”

“I want them to work for me.”

“Oh.”

There comes a point in every DIY, fixer-upper’s life when she gets tired of DIY-ing, fixing-upping and having construction dust in her clothes, hair and nasal duct conduits. In short, there comes a time when she wants some professional help so she can put her feet up and drink a glass of Rosé by the pool. As for this DIY, fixer-upper, I had reached that point. Yesterday.

So when I saw an advertisement about HGTV looking for Los Angeles homeowners looking to renovate a room in their house I pounced on the opportunity. Ah-ha! I could have someone else schlep to the home improvement store 16 times in one day, do all the backbreaking labor and get sawdust up their nasal passages, all while improving my house free of charge. What a brilliant plan!  I was a mastermind!

For them to do this, all I needed was to: describe the room to be renovated; include pictures of said room; describe what I wanted for the room.

Easy-peasy. 

Here was my application in three easy steps: 1) The room I wanted renovated was the studio, which needed HGTV or a miracle. 2) The picture I included told the sorry story in a thousand words, as pictures are known to do. And 3) I wanted the space to continue being a place for my mother-in-law to stay, as mothers-in-law are wont to do.

Ta-da! 

“Is that all you had to write for the application?” Mr. Wonderful said nibbling on a celery stick.

“They also wanted to know about us.” 

What I told them about us boiled down to three points: 1) We were recent homeowners in L.A.. 2) So far we had fixed everything up in the house by ourselves. And 3) We liked to laugh.

“Once they realize we’ve done the renovations ourselves,” my spouse said “they’ll know we aren’t laughers but masochists.”

Boy, Mr. Wonderful is hilarious.

“Anything else on the application?” he said chewing on a sliced cucumber.

“I have to tell them what our style is.”

“When you know what our style is, tell me,” he said returning to his vegetable dip.

Boy, Mr. Wonderful was on a roll! Of course we had a style, which I shared with him and the nice folks at HGTV. 

Here’s how I described our style on the application: We weren’t picky although we loved the mid-century modern style mixed with the Mediterranean style to reflect the climate of Southern California, augmented by contemporary leather furniture, mashed up with traditional pieces to anchor us to the past.

“Mid-century modern, Mediterranean, contemporary, traditional?” he said. “That’s not one style but four.”

“We’re eclectic.” 

“They’ll never accept your application.” 

“The key to my application is I say I want them to work in The House for me.”

“Wow. I’m sure they’ll want to do it now,” he said rolling his eyes.

Boy, that Mr. Wonderful. He’s a laugh a minute! 

NEXT: The HGTV Application Decision