Sunday, May 11, 2014

As the Kitchen-Redo (Re)Turns (A Soap Opera)--Part 1

Can she cut holes in the ceiling?
Will she destroy her kitchen to improve it?
Is her husband crazy or inspired?

Find out now on the latest installment of New House Girl—As the Kitchen-Redo (Re)Turns.


But before we bring you the latest adventure, first a recap of what’s been happening lately. For the entire month of April the New House Girl has been interrupted while she’s (uh, I’ve) been traipsing through the Low Countries eating waffles in Belgium, chocolate pralines in Brussels and partying in the orange-loving Netherlands. But now April’s good times are over and it’s back to the ranch in sunny California for more home improvement, kooky cats and kookier neighbors.

When we last saw the New House Girl she was debating her relationship with her husband, specifically: what to do with the kitchen ceiling. Seated at the table across from her spouse she looked at his strong arms, his wide chest, his thick hair.
“I love…” she said breathlessly “Everything about our kitchen.”  He raised a rakish eyebrow before his dark eyes met hers with a smoldering look. He inhaled the air scented with her one-of-a-kind perfume—a base of oregano and tomatoes from the pasta sauce she’d made mingled with the swimming pool chlorine in her hair. He exhaled.
“Want to punch a hole in the kitchen ceiling?”

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Now back to As the Kitchen-Redo (Re)Turns—

“But why?” she gasped, her bosom heaving. Although she was young and restless, she was still trying to wrap her brain around his question. Perhaps the doctor at General Hospital was right and her spouse was crazy and addicted to… living in a disaster zone. The doctor would know everything about psychological and addictive personalities since he was a trained… gynecologist. After all, a doctor is a doctor, right? Her tongue flicked over her lips and she leveled her gaze at her spouse and pouted, “But we just finished redoing our kitchen.”

Then he spoke to her of LED lights and how they were energy efficient and cool (as in, they did not heat up when turned on, unlike her) and how he could put them on a dimmer switch. His words were very persuasive. As were his arms and all his tools. Before she knew what was happening he was standing on a ladder drawing circles on the ceiling of where the new recessed LED lights should go. Then standing close to her he unhooked… the existing overhead lamps. Then she grabbed that symbol of manliness… a saw. Before she realized it, he lifted her onto… the ladder where she cut a hole in her own kitchen ceiling! Yes, YES! Causing havoc in a room she’d already redone was dangerous, stimulating and so thrilling!

She punch-cut holes in the ceiling. She destroyed her kitchen to improve it. And the man of her dreams was not crazy but totally inspired! Doctor General Hospital was wrong. Aren’t those doctors always wrong? Man oh man: these LED lights were going to be great! She hugged her inspired husband.

“About these lights,” he said looking into her bold and beautiful face, “There’s only one problem…”


What is that problem? Find out on the next installment of the New House Girl on As the Kitchen-Redo (Re)Turns!